It is not heriditary and not a mental illness.  It is a series of unhealthy patterns to avoid strong emotions.  Sometime in the past a decision was made not to feel, to either strategise, run from,push down numb out, pull back to avoid the natural flow of emotion in life.

What is an emotion?
It Is a electrico chemical natural chemical change in the body. It’s wholesome and natural. If we stay open it doesn’t stick.

We get conditioned by other people, often our parents, either  verbally or non-verbally that certain emotions are damaging. If we open clearly with an emotion we are left in open awareness or realisation of self as source or essence.We create a story to avoid emotion – to create mood. Emotion and story creates mood. Which lasts much longer? Emotions come and go naturally and we try and modify it because of our beliefs and add a story and this ultimately can cause depression. Often people want to change the state and this doesn’t work.

What is the difference between an emotion and a behaviour?
  An example would be rage or anger and agression.

We need to focus on the  emotion in the body and let the mind let go. It is truly safe to feel emotion and if fact it is  healthy and organic.  Nobody ever taught us how to feel these emotions. Most people try and fix the behaviour and this never works.  We need to look deeper.

Behaviours are literally ego games and some of the different ones are under 3 categories


Blame, bullying, exageration, pridefulness, agression, overwhelm, dominance, boasting, pushiness, buldozing

Deflation – victimhood

Collapse, hiding, shutdown, withdrawal, disconnection, lampshade, numbing out, blank,oversleeping, less than I am, lampshade,, uncomittal or passive behaviour, uncaring

Rigidity -Rule boundindness
 brittle, zealous, striving and efforting, tenseness, fearful, moralistic,stiff

The most common behaviour to bring about depression is deflation and sometimes rigidity if anxiety is present in depression.  The real issue is in the unconscious and in the ego patterns – The enneagram.

We can’t deal with the behaviours but have to look deeper.  The beliefs are the filters.  What are your beliefs around fear and terror, fear of weakness and vulnerability, powerlessness, overwhelm, abandonment, lonliness, condemnation, exposure, pain, rejection, the unknown, unloveability, unworthiness, failure, insignificance, ordinariness, fear of love, out of control, non existance or death.  To feel these feelings totally is wholesome and  will set you free.

It is everyones birthright to be free and happy!

If you want to book a retreat or a day’s ultimate healing or call on Paru to do a talk 
email  or call 0272 777734